Here I am.
I’ve come back, ready to avenge my absence and months of inactivity. It seems I do this from time to time: walk away with the intention of coming back when I have something to say, only to be gone long enough that I stare, paralyzed by the blank page in front of me. But, I can tell you, no matter how often in the past I cowered in the face of fear, shamefully avoiding pen and paper, this time was different. No, this time, I didn’t run away. I didn’t skip town and call it quits. I, Alexandra Saleh, who is characteristically and predictably avoidant, still wrote.
Back in December, before the new year, I established a list of resolutions. The most important being to write in my journal every single day for the next year. I have been relentlessly committed to the routine, dedicating small portions of my days to write for the sake of writing. My intention was and still is to practice as much as possible, to write anything and everything: the worst junk, the cleverest convictions, my deepest despairs. But, what I have discovered is that this exercise pigeonholes my creativity. It leaves me restless, wanting my words to reach far and wide, to captivate an audience and exist in a space where we can share the truth of our sorrows or the satisfaction of our pleasures, together. I seek to build a community, to grow a place where words can be felt by all who are willing to be vulnerable.
I know I have done myself a disservice by ignoring this space for so long. It has been calling my name for months, and yet, I have refused each appeal.
So…where should I begin?